Funny smile and laughing whatsapp status and skype

Whatsapp status best Quotes

I do not get drunk - i Get Awesome

My Friends think he's is smart, he said onions are the only food that make you cry. So i threw coconut at his face.

Someone’s status is “Available”. How free are you..??

Someone on his status “Sleeping” since 3 days. He’s probably dead.

Someone’s status is “Driving” since 5 days. I guess he reached Dubai.

Deepest Feeling Always Hurt You.

If I’ve learnt anything from mayans then it’s that ..Not finishing a project is not the end of world.

A book-store is only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

We men want the same thing from women that we want from underwear.Some support and some freedom.

Sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason.

Someone writes “Urgent Calls Only”. Don’t get it… Are you in the police or ambulance service.?

A lie is just a great story ruined by truth.

The only tie success comes before work is in dictionary.

Light travels faster than sound…that’s why people appear bright until they speak.

From first day their status is, “Hey there! I’m using WhatsApp”, I know That’s why you are on my list.

Deepest Feeling Always Hurt You.

I will marry the girl, who look pretty in her Adhaar card.

Had a really great “Night Out” last night, According to my police report.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.

Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.

The road to success is always under construction.

I don’t have dirty mind, I have Sexy imagination.

I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We are on the same side Now.

Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing.

People who gossip with you, most likely gossip about you. Whenever someone asks me to recommend a movie, I suddenly forget every movie ever made.

My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.

Making unnecessary sounds when you are bored.

I open a text and mentally respond then forget to actually respond.

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.

The One Who Laughs Last Is The Slowest. The One Who Laughs First Has The Dirtiest Mind.

Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guys.

I Keep Seeing All These Summer Bucket Lists

With All This Exciting Stuff. Meanwhile, Mine Is Just Like, Find A

Shortcut To The Fridge.

If My Mom Can't Find It, Nobody Can Find It.

Best Gamer Pick Up Line: "You Turn My Software Into Hardware."

Friends are like boobs, some are big, some are small, some are real and some are fake.

I Saw A Sign That Almost Made Me Piss Myself. It Said, "Bathrooms Closed!"

I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.

Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.

Hey there whatsapp is using me.

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.

Totally available!! Please disturb me!!

Life is Short – Chat Fast!

we live in the era of smart people and stupid people.

Life is short…smile while you still have teeth.

Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter… people the opposite.

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.

Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish

People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember

I have a reason.

80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having brain.

We are WTF generation – WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook.

Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror.

Please God if you cant make me slim then make my friend fat :D

His story is History, My Story is Mystery.

Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.Once Upon A Time I Smashed My Face Into My Keyboard And Accidentally Wrote The 5th Twilight Book.

Imagine Having A Teacher Named Alejandro,

And Whenever He Calls On You, Just Be Like, "Don't Call My Name, Don't

Call My Name, Alejandro."

F.E.A.R = Face Everything And Recover Or Forget Everything And Run!

I'm A Type Of Person Who Laughs At A Joke 3

Times. 1st When It's Told, 2nd When It's Explained To Me, And 3rd When I

Finally Get It!

You Don't Know Something? Google It. You Don't Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can't Find Something? Mom!

I Hate It When I Have So Many Tabs Open, And One Of Them Starts Playing A Talking Ad That I Can't Find It.

I Like Your Makeup. Just Kidding. It Looks Like You Got Gangbanged By Crayola.

THE BIGGEST LIE EVER TOLD; Was When The Doctor Walked In To Mrs. Bieber's Hospital Room And Said, "Congratulations, It's A Boy"

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, And Realist. While You Guys Were Arguing About The Cup Of Water. I Drank It. - The Opportunist

3 Things That Should Never Be Broken; (1) A Heart (2) A Promise And (3) A Condom :D :D

Some people are too chipper early in the morning, and what they

don’t realize is that it’s very bad for their good health…until I am

choking them.

This lame status is not the only one that you’ll be reading this year….so brace yourself for the long haul.

Hunting is so easy for a vegan because sneaking up on a plant doesn’t take rocket science…

I get my best workouts done when I’m hiding from boring colleagues at my workplace.

There are many things that you can say about women, but it takes real talent to turn a compliment into a two hour argument…

My boss was feeling down and so I decided to cheer him up with a joke … so I showed him my pay slip…

Honest people can be put into two categories….little kids and drunk persons.

It’s a good thing that Apple is not in charge of New Year because we would all be waiting for 2015 but instead get 2014S.

I’m engaged….to become drunk and disorderly while ushering in the new year…

After thinking about my new year’s resolution, I settled for 1024X768.

Why was the bull sweating? Because he was in a tight jersey!

Before ALL CAPS, how did people express their anger?

Like this status if you are “never drinking alcohol”.

“I’m not looking forward to the New Year Celebrations….what with all the drinking and merry making” -my liver.

Being awesome for yet another year is my New Year resolution.

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else get on.

If you catch a homeless couple having sex, is it rude to tell them to “get a room”?

I’ll forever be indebted to you if you lend me a million bucks.

My love for you is like a lit candle...if you ever forget me….I’m burning your house down.

My girlfriend said that I’m too fickle…while wearing her fake hair, fake nails and speaking with her fake accent.

Whining on Facebook should be declared illegal.

It’s a shame that stupidity can’t be converted into a useable source of energy.

People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio.

If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have

advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.

Turns out that At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.

A wife is like a hand grenade because if you remove the ring, your home is gone.

Love your neighbor, but make sure you don’t get caught.

If I had a dollar for every funny status I read, I'd be rich.

The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted

"Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "ha ha good

one"

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I work for money, For loyalty Hire a Dog.

I am not special , I am just limited edition.

God is really creative, i mean just look at me.

A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful

girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”.

When i was born..Devil said..”Oh Shit..!! Competition”.

Someone on his status “sleeping” …since 3 days! He’s probably dead

I believe there should be a better way to start each day… instead of waking up every morning.

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.

I took my wife to Honolulu on honeymoon 5 years back... its my

marriage anniversary next week and I am going to bring her back now.

It’s not that I hate anyone; it’s just that I do not like people.

Let us all put down our cell phones and talk to each other….someone whose phone battery is dead.

It is better not to post a status update and let people think that you’re dumb, than to post one and remove all doubt.

It’s funny how couples have a fight and then immediately change

their relationship status to “single”. Hey listen, I fight with my

parents but you never see me change my status to “orphan”.

Dear Autocorrect, she’s an amazing woman not an amazon woman, thanks. Now I’m never going to get laid.

I was going to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.

This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….I’m just fat.

I read somewhere that drinking too much is not good for your health….so I stopped reading.

Think we could get the North Korean Hackers to end “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”?

Christmas is just like a day at the office….you do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!

I love my job only when I’m on vacation

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.

Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

If you can’t convince them, Confuse them.

I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

If you don’t succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.

Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.

A lazy person is the one who can turn a call into a missed call.

I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

Believe on the dog but not on girlThere Is Only 1 Perfect Wife In The World. .Every Husband Thinks The Neighbour Has Her!!

If You Agree With A Woman When She's Wrong, Congratulations On Being Right And Wrong At The Same Time

My Girlfriend Asked Me For Another Word For Incorrect. Of Course, My Answer Was Wrong :P

I Think That Every Horoscope Should Read Like This: "Your Day Is Already A Failure...You Rely On Horoscopes

So We Can Send Men To The Moon, But We Can't Get A Button That Let's Us Edit A Typo On A Post After Its Been Sent O.O

Why Do Women Close Their Eyes During Sex? They Can't Stand Seeing A Man Have A Good Time!

Why Must The Phrase, "It Is None Of My Business" Always Be Followed By, "But"?

Pretending To Think Hard... When Your Teacher Is Looking At You.

They Say When U Marry Someone, You Are Also

Marrying Their Family. That's What I Told My Wife When She Caught Me In

Bed With Her Sister :P

If You Can't Change "A" Girl, Don't Worry Just Change "THE" Girl. :P

No one can write better non-sense than me

I wonder if I've met the person I’m going to marry.

Laziness is me middle name.

Have a prosperous new year….I may need to borrow some money.

Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of,

"Oh, honey, that was so

sweet of you to help clean out the

refrigerator."

I wouldn’t hire a personal trainer, but I would gladly pay someone to knock unhealthy foods out of my hands.

If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party

out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.

I’m not arguing, I’m simply tried to explaining why I’m Right.

Yesterday I saw someone pushing a bottle of Schweppes into his ass, I said, "What are you doing ?!" He replied: "Schweppes: Drink Different.."

I have a Impudent neighbor Knocking on my door at 2AM He's lucky I was in a drum lesson ..

Most of the fruits I know now and did not know were existed - Is only because of the shampoo

AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.

Don’t like me? Cool, I don’t wake up every day to impress you.

The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.

Was going to rob a bank today but the pen was chained to the desk.

It’s funny how all trust goes away when you can’t find the remote. ”Are you sitting on the remote?” No. ”Stand up”.

May I go to the toilet = I’m fucking bored.

When I drink alcohol… Everyone says I’m alcoholic. But… When I drink Fanta.. No one says I’m fantastic.

I saw a shampoo with the title: "Rich-looking" So I washed my purse ..

Winter as Hell - I ordered a pizza and the messenger comes with a Jet ...

Even if you are a mass murderer, International rogue,and children Abductor,People Will Still bless you "continue to be who you are" in your birthday.

We all are born to die don’t feel more special than me.

If I get jealous then yes I really like you.

I believe in hate at first sight.

I hate math but I love counting money.

I love buying new things but I hate spending money.

There is nothing greater in this world than being loving parents. So take the first step today by getting married. Think different, do different!

The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.

Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!

Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.

Yes, I agree. Mums can find everything. Except for the ringing phone in their bags!

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

They say “don’t drink and drive”. Well…. yesterday I was drinking a juice box while riding my tricycle. Yeah. I’m a badass.

That moment when a question on a test is so hard that even your inner voice is like “Fuck this shit lets work at McDonald’s”.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

You Don't Know Something? Google It. You Don't Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can't Find Something? Mom!

If you like me Then raise your hand, If not then raise your standard.

Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror.

Why do parents get so upset about little things like goddamn I left a plate in the sink not a dead body.

When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me.

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I’m not online, it’s just an optical illusion.

That’s the secret to life… replace one worry with another.

Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money.

If there is a “WILL”, there are 500 relatives.

I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.

I’ve found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?

I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.

I love my job only when I’m on vacation

Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.

Never test how deep the water is with both feet.

When I Show you a picture on my phone..don’t swipe left.don’t swipe right.Just look.

When I actually die some people are going to get really haunted.

I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.

God is really creative , i mean ..just look at meI Am Not SINGLE, I Am ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED :D

The Secrets Of Happy Marriage: Tools,Internet Options,Clear History,Delete Files.

What Is The Similarity Between Wifi & Wife ? Neighbors Have An Eye On Both Of Them!!

Do I Look Like A CALENDAR?........ Coz Everyone Ask Me For A DATE!

My Plan Is Forgive And Forget, Forgive Myself For Being Stupid And Forget You Ever Existed

I am not failed……My success is just postponed.

Do you want to go out with me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B

Remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.